Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
