Non-Jews are for practice
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
