I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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