I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
