I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize