both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
