I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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