just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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