dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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