HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
