I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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