took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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