Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
