I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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