the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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