update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
