Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
