I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
