Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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