what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
