no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
