Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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