Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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