Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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