you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize