just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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