I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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