How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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