Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
