it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
