the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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