Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
