You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
