I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
