i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
