Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize