Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
