Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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