We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
