If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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