I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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