Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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