Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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