I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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