i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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