how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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