So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize