My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i dont even know how to be here
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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