1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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