Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
