Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
