WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
