nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
