I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
