He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
