I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
