I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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