well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize