and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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