all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
