She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
