He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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