Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize