I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
