worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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