a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
