So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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