Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
