hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize