I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
