I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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