it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
