Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My liver just broke up with me...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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