i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
