you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
