I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
