WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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