You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
