That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
