Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
