You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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