bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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