Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
