Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
