I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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