maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize