arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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