my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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