Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
