You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
