All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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