Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
