remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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