is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
