I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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