Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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