it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize