Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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