I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
