At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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