I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
