As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
