So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
