I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the raccoons are back...
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