im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
