Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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