I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
