i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize