I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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