Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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