You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
you made out with another girl for some wings
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
