just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Fuck appropriateness.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
