i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
