No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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