i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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