U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
