we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
