I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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