Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
how does that bad decision feel?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
